Every year when Spotify comes out with its Wrapped hub — the interactive component of which was apparently developed by an intern — we all scramble to see which songs we devoured and which artists we played the most. How many minutes did we listen? Was it a normal number? We cannot wait to see Spotify’s pretty little slides about our good and varied taste! And then our depraved truths are revealed.
In reality, all of our Spotify Wrapped stats are humiliating, and posting about them is each of us at our most vulnerable. We are in our 30s, and one of our most-played songs this year is about a 17-year-old getting her driver’s license. We have Dance Pop listed in our top music genres — when was the last time we even went dancing? Someone named Jason Stephenson is in our top artists because of our nightly listen to his sleep music. He now sits in our Spotify Wrapped between Beyoncé and Ariana Grande. We all have one song in our top 100 that raises some questions. Mine is “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah,” from 30 Rock.
What I listen to is none of your business, but I’m going to tell you anyway. For it is Spotify Wrapped season, and I am only celebrating accordingly. Did I listen to a lot of BROCKHAMPTON, Remi Wolf, Doja Cat, CHIKA, and Cardi B, in that order, per my most-played artists? Sure! But I take this as Spotify’s cheeky dig at the fact that I turn on “STAR,” by BROCKHAMPTON, every time I leave the house. Why? I don’t know! There’s a part in “Monte Carlo,” by Remi Wolf, in which she sings, “You’re not my mom, you’re not my dad, you’re my tiny little boyfriend,” and I play that part of the song over and over and over again. Spotify Wrapped is a reminder that I am a creature of habit, and my habits are humiliating!
This year, Spotify added an audio aura to its Wrapped, giving a couple words and colors to “describe” our music taste. Mine were confident and bold, and I agree. It was bold of me to listen to “Up,” by Cardi B, every day for a month straight. Speaking of, you might be wondering why there’s a suspicious lack of songs you’ve recently had on repeat. That’s because the cutoff date for what Spotify includes in these wrap-ups is mid-November. So you can expect to see a lot of Adele’s 30 and Taylor Swift ruining Jake Gyllenhaal in your Spotify Wrapped 2022.