Javier Bardem, Please Plan My Birthday Party

Photo: AFP/AFP via Getty Images

Will we ever truly understand the kinship that exists between two famously hot men? Maybe not, but we sure can try. Our newest specimens: Javier Bardem and Daniel Craig, who came together via Zoom for Variety’s “Actors on Actors.” They spend most of the video praising each other’s work and remembering how much fun they had on the set of Skyfall, where Bardem played a blond villain and Craig, of course, played James Bond. Multiple “I love you”s are exchanged between the two, and they each take some time to appreciate how attractive the other one is.

Nice, right? It gets nicer: During a conversation about their birthdays, which are apparently one day apart, Bardem reveals himself to be the most committed party planner alive. According to his account, he once threw a birthday party for Craig in which he popped out of a cake dressed as … a Bond girl?? Later in the interview, Bardem reveals that he also sang “Happy Birthday” in his “best Marilyn Monroe.” Can you imagine a better birthday party?

Oh, have I mentioned? This whole time, Daniel Craig is bleeding from his forehead. Concerning, right? Craig’s friend Javier Bardem sure thinks so because, at the end of the interview, he asks Craig what the hell is going on with the red liquid dripping from his temple. Craig initially assumes he just got some of a sandwich on his head (who among us hasn’t smeared a little tomato sauce on our foreheads while eating an especially messy desk lunch?) but soon realizes he was actually wounded by his ring light, which fell on his head just before the interview. The sacrifices we make to look good on Zoom …

If you’re not entirely convinced of Bardem’s undying commitment to his friend, let me leave you with the last two lines of the conversation, when Bardem, after lavishing Craig with praise, adds, “Apart from that, you are fucking hot, sexy,” and Craig says, “With a little blood trickling down my forehead. Thank you.” If that isn’t true love, I don’t know what is.

Javier Bardem, Please Plan My Birthday Party