horny police

This New Emoji Is Flirting With Me

Stop, I’m married! Photo: Emojipedia

Valentine’s Day is a little more than two weeks away, and I know what you’re thinking: How are any of us are expected to get horny at a time like this? Well, I’d like you to meet a little someone named … the lip-biting emoji. She’s one of the new emoji rolling out with iOS 15.4, and I hear she’s single and waiting for your call.

Do you see her? She’s hard to miss. Her cupid’s bow is defined. Her teeth are white. And her mission? Well, babe. That’s up to you. Emojipedia, the preeminent source for all your emoji inquiries, says the bitten-lip emoji is meant to be “used in romantic contexts to express flirtation or arousal.” Wink wink, and, furthermore, nudge nudge! Emojipedia also says it can be used to convey “anticipation or excitement in general” or “express anxiety, pain, worry, or insecurity.” Sorry, but if you send a text like, “I’m nervous about my colonoscopy tomorrow (lip-biting emoji),” I’m going to be like, “Okay! Get it, girlie!”

To prevent any further confusion, here are the only instances in which the lip-biting emoji is appropriate:

1. When you’re … you know.
2. That’s it.

The lip-biting emoji is incapable of being anything but horny. It is perhaps the horniest emoji, making the eggplant and the peach emoji look chaste in comparison. However, this iteration is somehow less explicit than the proposed lip-biting emoji in this 2021 Change.org petition. That one delves too far into fuccboi territory.

Regardless, this new emoji is a win for all you freaks out there who were saddened by the recent de-hottie-ification of the green M&M. Finally, we can be horny again.

This New Emoji Is Flirting With Me