It’s starting to seem like maybe you’re not coming back? The seasons are passing by Carrie’s apartment, which is where this episode begins. (The shot of Carrie typing at her window is stunning.) After a flurry of wind, leaves, and snow, we arrive at a meeting with Carrie’s book editor, Amanda. Carrie is there, dressed as the Joker, because she has written a new book about losing love, titled Loved & Lost. Her editor loves it and shows her where she left real tears in the margins as she read it. She loves it so much, in fact, she wants to fast-track it for the Christmas season … once Carrie addresses her singular note that it is too sad.
Back in the 2000s, Carrie’s editors Lily Martin (Molly Shannon) and Courtney Masterson (Amy Sedaris) asked her the tone of her very first book: Is it hopeful, or should they all just shoot themselves there? Early-aughts Carrie knew that optimism would sell more books, but now that Carrie is a very rich widow, she isn’t exactly interested in adding an epilogue of hope. Not taking no for an answer, Amanda (Ashlie Atkinson) urges Carrie to dip her toe into the dating pond. Carrie is hard against it and considers not publishing at all until she hears that Oprah’s Book Club is interested. And any widow with a memoir can tell you: Oprah changes everything.
Thankfully, Seema, who is now in your seat at dinner with all of the ladies, has already set Carrie up on a dating app, where she swipes left on Jay, Joe, Craig, another Craig, and Francisco before settling on Peter, 53, teacher, widower. On their first date, they discuss how their spouses died and then start drinking immediately. The date ends with Peter and Carrie stumbling out of the restaurant, laughing hysterically and then vomiting all over the street and their shoes. But it is for Oprah, so it is worth it.
Carrie has now wet the bed and puked in the street after getting drunk on a first date. There are no words to accurately express how cool this is. It is wonderful, inspiring, and as Christina Aguilera once said, “It’s just good.”
Things are not good, however, between Miranda and Steve. He literally can’t hear Miranda and their sex life is DOA. She tries to save it by asking him to finger her in the kitchen, but he kills the moment by washing his hands first. Earlier, at the farmers’ market, he seems confused and angered by the crowd and the fact that the vendors keep switching places. He loses his wallet by the pickle booth. Miranda runs into Nya here with Andre, and she immediately tells Miranda she got her period, which means the last IVF round was a bust. She has not told Andre (he was buying cheese during this farmers’ market confession), so Miranda stays silent about it, but later does send a text that says, “Sorry you’re not pregnant.” Unfortunately, Siri reads it out loud and Nya almost runs over a gay couple with a toddler while trying to shut Siri up.
Demi Lovato fan Charlotte would like Harry to shut up as well. She shoves him while playing a couples’ tennis match against LTW and her husband Herbert, and he thinks she should apologize. Charlotte believes the tennis court is the only place she doesn’t have to apologize in life, so when the topic comes up again, she quotes Demi and says, “Sorry, not sorry.” In Demi Lovato’s hit song “Really Don’t Care (ft. Cher Lloyd),” Cher Lloyd sings, “Look, boy, why you so mad.” In this case, Harry is “boy.”
Oh, and yes, we’re still thinking (and talking) about Che Diaz. Sure, when they appear on our Instagram feed, it’s on meme accounts that cater to millennials with comments like “cringe” or “not this,” but that’s called engagement. As a PR maven, you invented this. In the early 2000s, you said it best: “First come the gays, then the girls, then … the industry!” Che has star quality, so the industry is at their door. The industry is also at Charlotte and LTW’s Upper East Side school fundraising auction, which is presumably why Che is there. The moms are all in love with our modern-day New York superstar, including one named Veronica, who throws herself at Che after reading their profile in Vulture.
The school auction is where things really heat up in this week’s episode. Carrie, who has put herself on the auction block for a lunch date, runs into Peter, who apparently is a teacher there. Miranda, a.k.a. “Rambo,” sees Che for the first time since they failed to reply to her DM exactly three months ago. In Che’s defense, they do get a lot of DMs, so they can’t be held accountable for that. All is forgiven when Miranda and Che get high and end up in bed together — and Miranda confesses her love for Che. Back at the fundraiser, nobody bids on “sex writer” Carrie because it is a school auction and everyone is married. Charlotte does her best to get the bidding started, but she just outbids herself, making it worse. Then Peter swoops in with a winning bid of $1,050.
And just like that, Carrie finds her shred of hope and her epilogue for Oprah.