sex diaries

The Mom Trying to Meet Her Online Boyfriend IRL

Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher

This week, a woman flirts with her sexting buddy while managing life as a pandemic mom: 45, married, Connecticut.


8:27 a.m. S texts me first thing in the morning, wishing me a good week. We start going back and forth. Just a few minutes into our conversation, he starts flirting with sexy emoji and so on. We continue talking about shows we watched over the weekend, then he has to go. He has a busy job, albeit in another state many miles away. He invites me to a private chat: I open the private chat, and he has commented on my latest naked photo to him. Damn, I want him.

10 a.m.  Getting my house in order. I’m married (not to S) with three kids, two in high school and one in middle school. We’re now nearing the second anniversary of this never-ending pandemic, and soon it will be two years since I began sexting with S, an old friend from high school I reconnected with on Facebook. We haven’t seen each other in person in over 25 years. I quit my job teaching Pilates about two months into the pandemic to become a full-time stay-at-home mom (to deal with Zoom school and meals), but I still teach sporadically. I feel pretty isolated, and S, my virtual friend with benefits, has been a beacon in an otherwise dark world.

1:45 p.m. I take the dog out for a walk, and my friend R calls. She’s having issues with a mutual friend. When the kids are home, getting outside to walk is the only way I can have a private conversation. It’s become a habit to grab the leash and put on my coat when the phone rings.

6:15 p.m. R and I need face-to-face time. She comes over just as my husband gets home from work. I’ve been married to C for over 20 years. We’ve had our ups and downs. Our romance was the sweep-you-off-your-feet kind. But things haven’t been good between us for a while, which is why I started sexting with S. (The lust is gone. We fight about everything.) S was my means of escape, but my virtual affair with him has also been good for my marriage. When I began acting out the fantasies I had texted S about with my husband, our relationship improved considerably. He’s gone from grumpy workaholic to an affectionate and serviceable workaholic, and the sex is better than ever.

I steam some tamales, and we play a “conversational card game” called You Know Me with my family. I learn a few things about everyone, including my husband. I, however, am pretty much an open book; they already know everything (well, not everything).

7:45 p.m. My oldest leaves for soccer practice. He’s old enough to drive himself now.

Early on, S used to text me from his kid’s practice. Sometimes I hear from him in the evenings or on the weekend, but it’s rare to talk when he’s with his kids. I never contact him first at those times, even though I’m tempted. It’s one of our rules.

9:45 p.m. I get my youngest to bed and crash.


8:15 a.m. I didn’t sleep well, and my thoughts tend to turn dark when I’m tired so I don’t even contemplate texting S.

I drop off my youngest at school and go straight to Trader Joe’s to head off the crowds. The cashier asks what my plans are today. I tell him I have to get my head on straight before I even know the answer to that. I am slightly ashamed to be a stay-at-home mom, even though it’s a privilege and many of my friends would choose it if they could. Part of me feels the guilt of untapped potential wasting away.

10:45 a.m. I do a quick yoga practice and hop in the shower, then I head out to a hair appointment.

12:45 p.m. I make lunch for our ailing dog and take her for a walk. My best friend N FaceTimes me. She lives in another city, but we spend many hours on the phone together. Our daily chats have kept me somewhat sane during these times. She’s the only one who knows all of my secrets, including my ongoing saga with S.

3:30 p.m. I pick up my son from school. My middle son doesn’t get home until around 5:30.

7 p.m. I make samosas and rice for the kids. Afterward, we eat and watch a couple of episodes of Schitt’s Creek, then it’s time for lights out.

9 p.m. My husband is working late most of the week. He just found out he won’t be traveling for work this weekend, and he’s disappointed. This means I might be able to join my friend N in the city where S lives, which also happens to be where she’s going to meet up with her new lover.

S and I have had ups and downs. At moments, our interactions have been intense; other times he runs cold. We’ve stopped sexting for months at a time. I’ve sworn to end it at least four times, but he’s handsome and charming and sexting with him is thrilling. He turns me on in ways I had never anticipated. He’s also married and has a teenager. He lives 1,000 miles away and works a demanding job. We only sext or text, and have never even spoken over the phone since our virtual “affair” began.


8:15 a.m. I drop my youngest at school and rush off to a PT appointment across town.

10 a.m. I get home from my appointment, shower, and then text S. I’ve been thinking of him. He responds immediately, and I ask him to open the private chat. I tell him I might be coming to his city. He dashes my hopes by telling me it’s not a good time for him to get away because he’s working from home, and his wife, who is also a stay-at-home mom, is recovering from a recent injury. He seems disappointed, but in the back of my mind I worry that he’s making excuses not to see me.

He segues quickly into a naughty chat, asking me to go to the kitchen, and we sext. He imagines eating my pussy, rimming me, and then fucking me from behind. It’s a bit rushed, and it’s over in about 15 minutes. I’m on the edge of orgasm the whole time. He signs off when we’re done; he has a presentation to give.

I enjoy it most when our sexting has time to simmer and build and we create a complex fantasy to play out, but this one was enough to tide me over for a little while.

1:15 p.m. I talk to N and share news of my latest conversation with S. The rest of the day my head is spinning a little. I’m giddy and in high spirits. I wish I could see him.

3:15 p.m. I pick up my youngest, and we head to the supermarket on the way home for snacks. When we get home, my oldest son is already there. My kids are ravenous when they return from school, and I barely have time to stock up before they’ve devoured everything in sight.

6:30 p.m. I make a lentil dal for dinner with naan. Everyone eats quickly, and the older boys retreat to play video games before tackling homework.

10:00 p.m. Lights out. I’m happy that I got to sext with S, and I review our chat in bed. I sleep soundly, content.


6:45 a.m. Up for a new day, still riding high from yesterday’s chat. I down some coffee and get on with the morning rush.

9 a.m. I don’t hear from S, nor do I contact him. This is pretty faithful to our pattern. I don’t want to bother him. Instead, I use my routine to keep myself grounded in reality. Pilates, then walking on the treadmill because it’s too cold to be outdoors. I make lunch for the dog.

1 p.m. I get a surprise package in the mail from my other best friend, E, who also lives out of state. It’s a beautiful stone pendant on a silver necklace, for protection. Sounds like something I could use.

2 p.m. I have a guitar class on Zoom. We’ve gone back to virtual because of the latest wave. My teacher has me tackle a Flaming Lips song. S encouraged me to get a guitar and learn to play several months into the pandemic. It’s been a great outlet and a good way to settle my overflowing thoughts.

3:30 p.m. I pick my son up from school. We run home and make sandwiches for him and his brothers.

6:30 p.m. I make dinner while the older boys play on the PlayStation. When we’re clearing the dishes, my husband proposes a lunchtime rendezvous for tomorrow.


8:15 a.m. I drop off the youngest at school. It’s frigid outside. I start to feel like I might be coming down with something, but I try to push it to the back of my mind and get on with my day.

10 a.m. My day is wide open until my husband comes home for our tryst. I do some Pilates and spend some time on the treadmill, then text S before I shower, telling him I’m not coming to his city after all but I’ll be taking my oldest on a college visit in a different city at the end of the month. S’s only response is to say he has heard good things about the college. I’m not surprised, but I am a little disappointed that this is all I will get out of him today.

1 p.m. C comes home, ready to fuck.

It’s a cold day, so we go downstairs where it’s warmer. Just like in my latest sexting session with S, my husband bends me over and rims my ass, while entering my pussy with two fingers. I moan and push back against him. I straddle his face for oral, then ride him slowly and go back for more oral until I come hard on his face, loudly vocalizing my pleasure. I turn onto my back and he takes both my legs over his shoulders, fucking me hard and fast. The penetration is deep, and I’m loving the intensity. He pulls out and shoots all over my thighs and torso. He never used to do this before I asked him to, inspired by my dirty chats with S.

3:15 p.m. I pick up my youngest, checking my messages in the car. Nothing else from S. We drive to Starbucks, but it’s closed so we head back home. I make him a tea with honey instead.

7 p.m. C worked from home for the rest of the afternoon. We order Vietnamese from a place in our neighborhood, and all five of us eat dinner together. We watch a movie, and I go to bed around ten, wiped out.


8 a.m. I wake up refreshed and make waffles for everyone. My family members wake up one by one. Everyone tries to sleep in on the weekends.

1 p.m. My middle son leaves for his extracurricular class, and the oldest heads out to his part-time job. C makes lunch for the family, but we eat in shifts as everyone is in and out.

3:45 p.m. N calls me, and we get excited about her plans. I look at flight and hotel info and see that I still might be able to meet her in S’s city tomorrow. Couldn’t S and I just meet for coffee? I’d promise to be good. I’d stay six feet away. I wouldn’t even touch him.

5 p.m. I talk with my husband about the possibility of traveling to meet N, and he discourages it. He knows I was sexting with someone who lived in that city. I came clean during one of our really bad fights, and he didn’t take it that seriously; he almost seemed dismissive about it. He doesn’t know it’s ongoing. His reticence may have to do with that, but he doesn’t allude to it. Instead, he offhandedly suggests I ask my oldest if he can drop off and pick up his little brother from school in my absence.

10 p.m. I go to sleep, still unsure about buying a plane ticket.


7:25 a.m. I sleep poorly, waking up early to see that S is online just as I am composing a message to him. I don’t send it. I’m feeling rotten, probably a sinus infection, and I have an earache. I didn’t buy the plane tickets, and I’m not going to.

1 p.m. I’m taking maximum doses of Advil and vitamin C and drinking lots of tea to stave off the earache. I silently swear not to walk the dog with wet hair in 20-degree weather again. C is toiling in the kitchen, making lunch and preparing a couple of Kings Day pastries that he and the boys will eat.

7 p.m. I watch part of The Hobbit with my youngest until he loses interest. I usually cook on Sunday nights, but I’ve abdicated my responsibility today. Part of me is a little resentful that I’m not landing in S’s city right now, as I would be if I had just bought the damn ticket.

10 p.m. I go to sleep feeling kind of depressed and confused. Who knows when or if I will have an opportunity to see S? Maybe it’s for the best.

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The Mom Trying to Meet Her Online Boyfriend IRL