Stephen King’s Lifestyle Content Will Haunt Me Forever

Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images

Blame it on TikTok, but lately it seems like everyone is full of unsolicited advice on what to make yourself for dinner. No one is immune to the siren call of telling people what and how to cook, not even horror writer Stephen King, who recently shared some instructions for a meal that will haunt me forever. Please, don’t say I didn’t warn you:

Aside from sounding alarmingly like a nightmare I once had after watching Emily Mariko videos until 2 a.m., this dispatch raises some questions. Does it really only take three minutes for a microwave to fully cook a salmon fillet? Is it that much easier (or somehow tastier?) than setting seven minutes aside to cook it on the stove, or even slow-roasting it in the oven? Most importantly, what does Stephen King’s kitchen smell like?

Still, I have to admire how authoritative he sounds. I don’t think I can lay eyes on a piece of fish anytime soon without immediately recalling the words, “Nuke it in the microwave.”

Stephen King’s Lifestyle Content Will Haunt Me Forever