I Want to Read Jill and Joe Biden’s ‘Fexts’

Photo: Mandel Ngan/AFP via Getty Images

In a new interview with Harper’s Bazaar, Dr. Jill Biden revealed that she and her husband, President Joe Biden, have developed their own special way of fighting with each other. According to the article, “During the Obama years, they took to hashing out their occasional spats over text to avoid fighting in front of the Secret Service. (They christened it ‘fexting.’)” As is my right as an American citizen, I demand to know the content of these fexts at once.

Jill told Harper’s she and Joe recently had a particularly heated fexting session. (I choose to believe that “fext” is actually a portmanteau of “freaky text.”) “Joe said, ‘You realize that’s going to go down in history. There will be a record of that,’” Jill told the publication, alluding to the fact that all presidential communications are kept for historical record. She continued, “I won’t tell you what I called him that time.” Hmm, the mind wanders …

I am less interested in the exact insults the first couple hurls at each other — it’s probably something vanilla and self-censored like “a-hole” — and more interested in knowing how they text each other. Do they follow the same nonsensical text syntax everyone above a certain age seems to abide by, capitalizing RANDOM PHRASES and leaving out any words they deem extraneous like “the”? Do they use text abbreviations like, “U R making me mad 2day, joseph”? Do they sign each message with their name, as is customary of grandparents when they text? I suppose all will be revealed in future history books. In the meantime, I will continue to believe they are the kind of people who think “LOL” means “lots of love.”

I Want to Read Jill and Joe Biden’s ‘Fexts’