Spoilers ahead for The White Lotus season two finale.
The season finale of The White Lotus has left us, as the series often does, with more questions than answers: Was Greg really in cahoots with Quentin? Did Harper and Cameron do more than just kiss? But one in particular is troubling me relentlessly: Where the fuck did Tanya’s heels go after she fell off the yacht?
This season began just as the last did: with the reveal that someone at the resort had died. In episode one, Daphne swims out into the Ionian Sea for one last telegenic dip, only to literally bump into a dead body. Onscreen, all the viewer sees is a set of bare feet floating past. From there, we’re thrust into a whodunnit-esque whirlwind of animosity, jealousy, sex, and obscene privilege, only to find, seven episodes later, that those feet belonged to none other than Tanya, our beloved village airhead. Missing is the sparkly set of heels she was wearing the moment she died. While I could sit here all day and unpack the styling choices made this season — like, As a woke lawyer who’d presumably know better, why was Harper wearing Dolce & Gabbana? And Were Portia’s outfits really that bad, especially considering some of them allegedly came straight from Haley Lu Richardson’s own closet? And Why did Albie insist on wearing crew-cut socks during sex? — I’m willing to see past all those sartorial question marks. But the one I need explained immediately is why Tanya was found barefoot. She fell overboard with a set of Betsey Johnson heels on and was discovered without them. Anyone who’s ever worn a heel with an ankle strap and buckle (like Tanya did) knows how difficult it is to get them off. They take a firm grip, nimble fingers, and deft maneuvering.
Watching her scamper about the deck, ignoring the perfectly good set of stairs available for use, we were all thinking the same thing: “Take your heels off, Tanya! Give yourself more balance to work with!” Perhaps if she’d done so, she might still be alive. And yet there she was, clickety clacking about, frazzled as ever. She fell, and (as far as we can tell) perished in her bedazzled shoes. So where did they go?
Did a dolphin, notoriously smart and mischievous, perhaps unlatch her heels with its tiny, sharp mammalian teeth and glide away? Did a shark swim by and chomp them off? Did the Little Mermaid happen past and decide to spare Tanya the embarrassment of leaving behind a tacky corpse? All I know is 24 hours in water, no matter how rough, isn’t enough to whisk away a pair of heels strapped to your ankles like that, dead or alive … Unless I’m wrong? Forensic fashion experts, please write in.