Who Is the Broadway Pooper?

A fecal mystery. Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images

Imagine: You buy tickets to a Broadway show — a “glorious, big, high-kicking” (Associated Press) musical comedy, but not Funny Girl — and what you actually wind up getting is a smelly, real-life mystery about human feces. This is apparently what happened to Hillary and Chelsea Clinton during a recent performance of Some Like It Hot at Shubert Theater in Manhattan, and while sources in “Page Six” offer conflicting accounts about the details, one thing seems clear: “Last week when Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were in the audience,” a source told the tabloid, “the lights came up for intermission and there were two human turds in the aisle just near the famous political duo.”

“There was an incident when Hillary Clinton and Chelsea attended,” a second source, someone purportedly “close” to the production, confirmed. This person claimed that “it was an elderly person and it’s rather sad, but yes, the house staff worked quickly to help resolve the situation and Act II started as scheduled.” A third, also unnamed “insider” described the defecation as an unfortunate one-off. It doesn’t sound like the placement of the poop, in the approximate vicinity of the former First Lady and Daughter, was deliberate, but the first source — the source who painted the above picture of the scene — says a witness “spoke to the house manager, who said that it was actually the fourth time it had happened.” The individual went on to allege: “There is someone who is either shitting in the aisle, or surreptitiously dumping defecation that they smuggled into the theater.”

Just one anonymous source’s opinion, of course.

Who Is the Broadway Pooper?