When it comes to carcass-eating rituals, I generally prefer them to be done far, far away from me — unless, that is, they are for a good cause. In my opinion, one such event purportedly being planned by Megan Fox, probably as a joke but whatever, falls into that category. Over the weekend, Fox responded to a conservative influencer criticizing her children’s wardrobes by threatening to dine on dead animals in his backyard. A fitting response, if you ask me. Maybe you would like to attend, too?
The potential host in question: Robby Starbuck, a former director and producer of music videos who recently attempted to leverage his right-wing opinions into a political run in Tennessee. He was voted off the ballot by fellow Republicans for not meeting the voting-history requirements but still purports to “fight for freedom” on social media. Often, this seems to mean ranting and publicly panicking about children’s exposure to trans education and pride month, but last week he turned his attention to Fox, offering a slew of unsolicited thoughts on how she dresses her kids.
“These are Megan Fox’s sons,” Starbuck wrote on Twitter, sharing a photo of Fox with her three sons from early 2022. He went on to claim that he used to live in “the same gated community” as Fox and her children and once “saw two of them have a full breakdown saying they were forced by their mom to wear girls clothes as their nanny tried to console them.” Starbuck explained that he “knew California wouldn’t do anything about it because the state celebrates this stuff and she’s famous,” going so far as to accuse Fox of “pure child abuse” and instructing his followers to “pray for them.”
Fox, who’s spoken openly about her children’s gender expression, appears to have done some Googling herself. While the father of her children, Brian Austin Green, denied Starbuck’s story and criticized his “selfish motives,” Fox reposted the screed on her Instagram account, calling Starbuck a “clout chaser” and laying into him for “exploiting my child’s gender identity to gain attention in your political campaign.” She composed an all-lowercase poem of sorts to properly convey her rage:
i have been burned at the stake by
little men like you many times
and yet I’m still here
you fucked with the wrong witch
Fox followed this extended haiku with an equally creative Instagram Story in which she screenshotted a New York Post article about a group of alleged witches caught on a wildlife camera holding a “carcass-eating ritual” in someone’s backyard. “Me outside rob starbuck’s house,” Fox wrote over the grainy footage of a naked, wild-haired woman appearing to reach toward some kind of blob on the ground.
Apparently the specter of a carcass-eating ritual unfolding behind his house did not deter Starbuck, who on Sunday took a moment from his “family & Jesus time” to respond to Fox’s post:
“Now Megan Fox is threatening to hold a carcass eating ritual at my house,” Starbuck wrote on Twitter, stating the obvious. He deemed the idea of planning this type of event a “bold/dumb decision in TN,” adding that Fox now “looks crazy” and “now people know she practices witchcraft too.”
Starbuck clearly has not bothered to peruse the April 2022 issue of Glamour UK, because if he had, he would know that the magazine-reading public is already pretty familiar with Fox’s passion for the art of sorcery. In her cover story, she told the publication that she and her partner in life and bodily fluids, Machine Gun Kelly, drink each other’s blood but “for ritual purposes only.” A book of moon spells popped up in one of her Instagram posts months later. Did Mr. Starbuck think Fox was aiming not to let people know she practices witchcraft?
But okay, sure: Maybe you would balk at the idea of Fox holding a carcass-eating ritual behind your house. It does sound freaky, but I could think of worse things to have in my backyard — a catastrophic gender-reveal party, for example, or several dozen feral hogs. Were she to host one at Starbuck’s house, I would be on the next available flight to Tennessee. Meet you at the blood-sacrifice tree!