There are a handful of human innovations that we, in hindsight, might be okay without: plastic, air fryers, those puffy headbands we all suddenly started wearing to do our skin care. Shoes, though, are not one of those things. Shoes add a crucial layer of protection against hookworm and stray nails and general sidewalk filth, a reminder I am leaving here for the benefit of Kanye “Ye” West and Bianca Censori. The couple has slowly devolved from relying on their tights to serve as footwear to not doing footwear at all. Both West and Censori stepped out (ha) barefoot on not one but two occasions, according to the Daily Mail, on their recent trip to Italy, which one might argue is twice too many times. Just sheer unadulterated podiatric nakedness, all over some public pavement.
Because of the bewildering lack of shoes, it’s hard to focus on whatever else is, or isn’t, going on with the rest of their respective outfits. The low-waisted, butt-crack-revealing skirt? Didn’t even notice it. Barely even thought about the fact it might be a reference to Alexander McQueen’s bumster pants. Ye’s blazer paired over a shirtless torso? Totally overlooked it. All I’m doing is trying to catch glimpses of their soles, squinting to see what the damage in dirt might be. How long do you think it takes to fully wash your feet at the end of a day spent walking around a major metropolis and making skin-to-concrete contact for much of that time? Do you think everyone involved is up-to-date on their tetanus shots? Listen, I’m all for running barefoot when grass and sand are involved — the California-sober version of shoelessness — because these elements naturally occur in the wild. But in the city? I simply cannot condone that.
I’m begging these two to put some footwear on so we can stop giving them attention and move on with our lives. Barefoot-boy summer is canceled.