Linda Evangelista Is Single Because She ‘Doesn’t Want to Hear Somebody Breathing’

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for WSJ. Magazine Innovators Awards

Linda Evangelista is spending her nights alone, and that’s how she likes it. The supermodel revealed in a profile for the Sunday Times that she is “not interested” in dating anymore. The reason? She doesn’t want to feel someone’s hot, wet breath in her ear as she’s trying to get her beauty sleep. I get it, sister.

“I don’t want to sleep with anybody anymore,” she told the Times. “I don’t want to hear somebody breathing.”

This is a perfectly reasonable answer. In fact, with the next round of holiday get-togethers coming up, I think it’s worth adding to your arsenal. When your aunt has one too many Chardonnays and asks you why you haven’t found your special someone yet, tell her that you’d rather not listen to someone breathing all night. That’ll shut anyone right up.

Elsewhere in the piece, Evangelista discusses her now infamous experience with CoolSculpting, which she claims left her “unrecognizable” and depressed after she developed a rare side effect known as paradoxical adipose hyperplasia.

“I don’t blame myself any more. I’m not hard on myself any longer,” Evangelista said. “And how people feel about me still bothers me a little bit, but it used to bother me a lot. I know now that I didn’t do anything wrong. For the longest time I thought I did. I’m not completely rid of it, but I work hard at getting rid of the guilt and the shame. And I’m not letting it ruin my life. I wouldn’t have stayed locked up if I’d known how many people cared.”

This woman is a fount of wisdom. I would listen to her on just about any topic. Where is the self-help podcast? Where is the memoir? Do we have to suggest everything around here?

Linda Evangelista Has an Excellent Reason to Stay Single