celebrity

Happy Birthday to Christian Bale’s Biceps

Photo: Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images,

Baleheads, assemble. I am elated to inform you that Christian Bale, selfless hero that he is, has given the world a gift on the occasion of his own 50th birthday.

On Monday, the Oscar-winning actor was photographed in Cabo San Lucas, where he and his family were stationed poolside to celebrate half a century of Bale brilliance (his actual birthday is on Tuesday). According to TMZ, the actor was accompanied on the trip by his wife, Sibi Blažić, and their 9-year-old son, Joseph. Their 18-year-old daughter, Emmeline, was either not pictured or not in attendance: standard eldest-daughter behavior either way.

But this story isn’t really about who was in attendance and is about the bulging biceps that call Bale’s body home. In paparazzi photos, the birthday boy can be seen shirtless with a towel wrapped around his waist as he smirks off into the distance from his balcony. In a way, he resembles Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love, that character perched up against the wall at a low lit speakeasy, making eyes at you. Most of the time, those guys are sleazy. This time — and for this man — I’d jump into the Batmobile faster than a tween running to Sephora.

Despite a prolific career, TMZ reports that Bale has been taking a break from hustle culture over the last year. If that’s true, then damn, Christian’s Year of Rest and Relaxation really paid off. And if his hero’s journey were to end here — on this very Cabo balcony, soaking in the glittering waves and getting high on life and vibes alone — justice will absolutely have been served. Or, if not justice, a very good thirst trap, at least.

Happy Birthday to Christian Bale’s Biceps