Happy Groundhog Day! The verdict is in, and we have six more weeks of Punxsutawney Phil looking absolutely stunning. Season-wise, the news is fine: Spring will apparently arrive early, which is nice but also an unwelcome reminder that the earth is rapidly falling apart. But there is a development that has nothing to do with our deteriorating atmosphere: Suddenly I’m realizing that Punxsutawney Phil looks … incredible?
As a public-facing rodent, Phil has always been handsome, but this year, appearing at dawn in front of a 40,000-deep crowd at Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania’s Gobbler’s Knob, he looked particularly glorious. Behold:
His whiskers are plentiful, his bulges are bulbous as hell, and his salt-and-pepper fur is making George Clooney’s beard jealous. Please, what shampoo is this groundhog using?
For anyone looking for more content from 2024’s newest hottie, he also has a Cameo. Finally, the perfect Valentine’s Day gift.