shopping

Get In, Losers: We’re Going Thrifting

Photo: Sarah-Jane Allen/Getty Images/iStockphoto

Do you self-identify as a maximalist? Does the name Marie Kondo fill you and your collection of novelty vacation hats with blood-curdling dread? Is your New Year’s resolution to “try more pants styles”?

If so, I have some good news: The thrifting season is upon us.

That’s right, fellow stuff appreciators! While all your friends are purging barely worn possessions because they don’t spark joy, we, the proud anti-Kondo faction, stand to reap the benefits. While the Container Store may or may not be experiencing a Netflix-inspired sales bump, Beacon’s Closet, New York’s consignment mecca, appears to be. According to a recent piece in The New Yorker, there are currently lines of people waiting to sell their stuff snaking through the used clothing store, seemingly a result of people bingeing Marie Kondo’s new show. The article quotes a long-suffering Beacon’s buyer who says, “I honestly never want to hear the name Marie Kondo again.”

Well, congrats to all the people who have committed to the KonMari life and ridded themselves of the burden of their unwanted possessions, and who now have to waste 15 minutes a day folding their underwear into tiny rectangles. But also, good for us! Imagine how many bad choices people are liable to make in a feverish post New Year’s Kondo-inspired purge? Mistakes will be made. Purgers are going to see that lavish fur cape they never wore and deem it impractical; come Game of Thrones finale cosplay time, they’re going to rue their hastiness. Conscientious closet cleaners will dispose of the low-rise jeans they haven’t worn since the mid-aughts, but the joke’s on them, because low-rise jeans are coming back, bitches!

I know of which I speak. Foolishly, I tried to purge my own closet this week — something I normally do only in a fit of rage — and found myself putting things into garbage bags that I definitely would have regretted disposing of: an untouched Proenza Schouler vest, a Dries Van Noten dress, new with tags, all my appropriate work pants. (Safe to say, I was smart enough to pull them back out the next day — purger’s remorse.) Who knows what other gems your neighborhood’s hippest denizens may have foolishly disposed of? A glut of Phoebe Philo era Celine? Ugly sneakers, never worn? A whole lot of very appropriate work pants? I’m gonna have so many appropriate work pants!

So, my fellow anti-Kondoers, if you’re in a post-holiday shopping mood, get thee to thy nearest second-hand clothing store Beacon’s (or Goodwill, or Buffalo Exchange, or Crossroads, or the internet) and get started on building your 2019 wardrobe. And if you arrive at your nearest resale outlet and see a long line, don’t worry: Those people are there to sell. Those aren’t your people. Forget them. Focus on the racks — those sweet, newly stocked, overflowing racks, where so much joy awaits.

It’s just like the old adage: One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure, especially because most of it was never trash to begin with. Happy thrifting!