no thanks mark

Facebook Once Again Gives Us Something No One Asked For

Photo: Facebook

There is nothing that unites us all like Facebook making a big, dumb change. Yesterday, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg made a couple big announcements regarding the future of the Facebook corporation. Did he address the detrimental impact that Instagram has on teen mental health? Or speak to how they’d be swiftly combating the platform’s problem with misinformation and hate speech? No! They said Facebook Inc. would now be called Meta Platforms Inc., or Meta for short. Hell yeah, Mark!

Why the name change? As Zuckerberg explained, the name Facebook no longer encompasses everything the company does. Sure, there’s Facebook the social-media platform. But there’s also Instagram, Messenger, this new virtual-reality metaverse, COVID conspiracy theories, rampant racism, the manipulation of politics by foreign governments, poking! So they rebranded to a name that essentially ignores all of that and is easy to mock.

And what better way to welcome Meta into the world than with some memes ripping its dumb little name to shreds!

Ah, yes. The metaverse! If you are confused about what the metaverse even is, think of it like a virtual-reality space where you can work, socialize, go to events, cry, etc. It’s like Second Life with less sex — no nudity allowed in the metaverse! Or a significantly more boring Club Penguin.

Zuckerberg’s other big announcements include having a bottle of barbecue sauce on a bookshelf and definitely knowing how to respond normally to the sound of a doorbell.

To be clear, Facebook, the social-media platform, will still be called Facebook. Same goes for Instagram, Messenger, etc. If you feel like the change feels … kinda pointless, you’re far from alone. “Changing their name doesn’t change reality: Facebook is destroying our democracy and is the world’s leading peddler of disinformation and hate,” said the Real Facebook Oversight Board, a Facebook (Meta??) watchdog group, in response to yesterday’s announcement. “Their meaningless name change should not distract from the investigation, regulation, and real, independent oversight needed to hold Facebook accountable.”

So, a hearty congrats to Meta for being the change literally no one wished to see in the cyberworld.