Water. Have you heard of it? It’s really good according to a lot of famous people. It’s the supposed secret to everything that ails you — a fountain of youth you can gulp down every day. So can you ever have too much of it? Should you be carrying even more of it at all times? Does a 64-ounce water bottle solve all the problems of having to refill your small cup of water eight times a day? Below, a Cut chat, and of course, links to buy our favorite portable vessels.
Stella Bugbee, editor: Allison, yesterday I saw you in the bathroom like 20 times.
Allison Davis, senior writer: That’s because I now drink approx. 64–128 ounces of water a day, Stella.
Stella: On one of those trips I noticed your enormous water bottle that was like a big white sack of flour they give teens to carry around to pretend they are pregnant. It was really impressive but I was worried you were becoming a “prepper” or something.
Allison: You met “Sheila!” She’s a 64-ounce S’well bottle I’ve been carrying around for two weeks now.
Stella: Can I ask why you were carrying it to the bathroom?
Allison: I’m lazy, but I need to drink more water. I cannot handle both frequent trips to the bathroom and frequent trips to refill a small water bottle.
Stella: But that still doesn’t answer why you brought it to the bathroom with you.
Allison: I was refilling it in the bathroom! NYC tap water is still the most delicious water, be it from a kitchen sink or a bathroom sink, and the office kitchen is so far from the bathroom, which is already too far from my desk.
Stella: We should just install a cooler and a catheter at your desk.
Diana Tsui, senior market editor: A 64-ounce water bottle is genius. The big ones are especially useful on flights.
Stella: You bring them on flights? What do you do, ask the stewardess to fill them for you?
Diana: Of course I do! If you’re on a 16-hour flight to Hong Kong in economy, you can’t survive with a little-bitch water bottle.
Stella: But then you have to pee so many times in those gross bathrooms. It might be better to be dehydrated. I do really love the scale and look of these 64-ounce babies though, and I’m trying to figure out why.
Allison: People look at you funny when you carry one. I get all sorts of comments and questions.
Diana: You look like you’re about to hit the gym for a heavy-duty lifting session
Allison: Mostly “God that’s HUGE! How do you handle it?”
Stella: I definitely couldn’t stop talking about your thick water bottle like a total creep yesterday.
Allison: I’d like to point out that stylegawd Jonah Hill was spotted in clout alley carrying a 64-ounce water bottle. His, a white Hydroflask. This is no longer the hydration accessory of a protein-shake-swilling gym bro.
Stella: I love that photo of Jonah. He’s like a nurturing ostrich carrying his egg.
Allison: I love the self-righteous thrill of rushing into a place when I’m supposed to meet someone, beelining to the bathroom and then sitting down next to them like, “I’m so sorry, I just drink soooo much water now.”
Stella: What if we go even bigger? Start rolling in with one of those 2.5-gallon Poland Spring “fridge size” bottles? Just put the tap up to your mouth and try not to choke as it rushes into your throat.
Allison: Just get a water keg! Like this Bubba Sport Jug in 72 ounces.
Stella: I’m very glad to be joining this new weird cult that both Allison and Jonah Hill are already in. Diana are you coming too?
Diana: I’m already there!
Allison: Joining this cult means you can never wear jumpsuits, sorry to break it to you.
Shop the Story
If you buy something through our links, New York may earn an affiliate commission.