sex diaries

This Week’s Sex Diary: The Woman Falling for a Real-Life ‘Indiana Jones’

Photo-Illustration: Marylu Herrera

In this week’s story, a college-event director has a whirlwind romance with a man in an open relationship visiting from Europe: 33, single, Philadelphia.

DAY ONE

8 a.m. This guy initiates a conversation on Tinder. I know from his profile that he lives in Europe and is only here temporarily. I’m in a phase of dating where I still want to meet interesting people, but I don’t feel like committing. He tells me he’s been working in the Balkans, where I’ve been wanting to go this summer.

9 a.m. He asks me if I’d be interested in getting coffee today. I’m thinking I should pick his brain for travel tips, so I say yes and recommend a place nearby, even though I’m technically on the clock at work. I do event planning for a university.

10 a.m. I spend the next hour on the phone with my brother. Our retired parents announced they’re keeping the puppy they’re fostering. That takes their count to four large dogs, which will make it extra hard for them to visit us, or for us (we have small dogs) to visit them! We try to convince ourselves that it’s their lives and their decision.

12 p.m. I get to the coffee shop and the Tinder guy is already there with a table. I get a chai, he gets a cortado, and suddenly the normalcy of this date is over. He’s an archeologist and it feels like I’m on a date with Indiana Jones himself. He tells me about the time he was almost kidnapped, that he carries knives on him on certain worksites, and that he plans escape routes in his mind just in case. He knows people in nearly every American consulate, and his passport seems to have stamps from countries I didn’t know existed.

2 p.m. This isn’t my first time going out with a guy in the area temporarily, and oftentimes the date ends in bed. But I can’t get a good read on Indy. After coffee and some walking around, I ask him to come over. I check my work email to make sure they haven’t noticed I’m MIA, and I’m all good. We’re chatting on my couch but he seems kind of shy about making a first move, so I do …

Before I know it, all six-foot-three of him is on me, lips all over my mouth and neck. I reach in his pants to grab his ass and then he … giggles. I ask if everything is okay and he expresses that he really just was not expecting this to happen. He’s a tall, attractive guy with a cool story and job. I assumed this was his end game?

Well, we keep going. His hand is rubbing my clit through my pants. I’m moaning already and my clothes aren’t even off.

4 p.m. We both have evening plans, so after taking a quick shower together, we part ways. I’m not expecting to see him again. We didn’t even have penetrative sex, but I definitely got off.

5 p.m. I’m running late to a work event at a firm near the top floor of a Center City skyscraper. I texted Indy that he left his sweater at my place.

7 p.m. The work event — a professional-development program for alumni — is great.

10 p.m. I’m finally home and able to text Indy more. He swears he didn’t leave his sweater at my place intentionally but acknowledges it was a convenient way to get to see me again. We make plans for Thursday. I like it.

DAY TWO

8 a.m. Our texts this morning basically recap yesterday, and are pretty upfront about how much fun we had physically but also emotionally. The fun thing about temporary romance is that you can be vulnerable pretty quickly. What do you have to lose?

12 p.m. Nothing from my parents. My brother and I texted them about our concerns over the extra dog, and they haven’t responded.

7 p.m. Indy sends me a picture from hanging out with his friends and asks how my day was. We text back and forth, which just builds excitement for tomorrow. He asks if it’s okay to sext me … um, that is a first! I give him enthusiastic consent.

8 p.m. His sexting is much milder than what I’m used to, but based on the shyness I read in him yesterday, I’m not surprised. I don’t have the full story, but I feel like maybe he hasn’t been with someone in a while.

DAY THREE

10 a.m. A much-needed therapy session. Not because of Indy, but because of family stuff. I now feel ghosted by my parents. My therapist helps me acknowledge the changing family dynamics, especially now that they’re retired. She helps me understand that I’m upset because I feel like I’m growing more distant from my family and am worried their decision will make that divide stronger.

1:15 p.m. I’m working from home today so I’ve scheduled Indy for a day date. He is on his way. I quickly change out of my work-from-home outfit into yoga pants and a long-sleeved shirt.

2 p.m. We’re back in my bedroom fooling around. We again don’t make it to penetrative sex because of what I’m thinking is performance anxiety. Like last time, though, he hits all my buttons in other ways. I do hope he gets comfortable with me soon, though, I really do want to experience that with him.

3 p.m. We go for drinks and a snack at the local pub a few blocks away. This is the first time we’ve had alcohol together and conversation gets more open. I tell him I’m divorced and that I was in a marriage that did nothing but obliterate my self confidence, and it took me years to move out and move on. He asks good questions about how it changed me, my outlook on relationships, and my overall happiness. He tells me he’s in a situationship, somewhat of an unspoken open relationship. She lives in another European city right now. I’m the first person he’s been with since her, which might be why I’m picking up on some anxiety from him.

6 p.m. I’m sad to see him off. He has dinner with colleagues tonight and is off to California later this week. We exchange Instagram handles and he promises to help me with my trip and to make every effort to see me.

11 p.m. My dad finally responds to the family text with a long-winded message about the dog situation.

DAY FOUR

11 a.m. From my desk at work, I call my brother. We agree that my parents are saying that their new puppy is more important than family.

3 p.m. Indy texts me that the California project has been delayed a few days. I remind him that I have plenty of space and a cool dog. A much better offer than going to rainy Northern California to sit in a hotel room.

6 p.m. It’s official, he pushed his flight to Tuesday! He’s visiting colleagues and friends the next few days but will be at my place Sunday afternoon. I can’t get out of work meetings on Monday but add a personal day to my work calendar for Tuesday.

7 p.m. Dinner with my old friends! Kay is in finance and is an absolute boss at work. However, she’s an absolute mess when it comes to dating. Absolute waterfall of tears over her latest date.

8 p.m. A few cocktails in and I tell my friends about Indy. I tell them I met him a few days ago and that he’s staying at my place for a few days this weekend. I fully expected them to yell at me but they love the idea! They said if I’m getting good vibes, I might as well enjoy it.

DAY FIVE

9 a.m. Indy and I touch base in the morning to confirm our plans for the day. We each have plans with friends and agree to play it by ear.

12:30 p.m. I meet up with Matt and his BF for lunch at a Spanish place. Matt is a work friend who doesn’t work with me anymore, but we always gossip, catch up on each other’s dating life, and just chat. I was devastated when he left for another job, but I’m so grateful that he and his boyfriend, Ken, are so good at staying in touch. We have the most fun time at lunch, with the most inappropriate conversations, as usual. Matt has “big brother” energy about the Indy situation and is worried about him staying at my place. Ken reminds him I have good intuition and nothing about this guy gives off even yellow flags.

3 p.m. I get home and Indy texts that his group is about to wrap up.

6:30 p.m. He gets to my place and everything feels comfortable. We snuggle on the couch and just hang out and chat. I don’t get to this stage of relationships often and I’m enjoying the easy comfort and familiarity. I know he’s leaving on Tuesday, but for now, I’m embracing the moment.

8 p.m. Our lazy night on the couch turns into a night in bed. He must be feeling more comfortable with this situation, too, because I finally got to feel all of him. Despite him making me come countless times in foreplay, when he got inside me, I was suddenly even more turned on. We lay in bed tangled in each other for the next few hours just talking, touching, and kissing.

DAY SIX

7 a.m. I get up to walk my dog before work, and surprisingly, he gets up to join me. He’s full on playing the honeymoon-phase boyfriend and I’m okay with it!

12 p.m. Work has been so hectic with back-to-back meetings, but I finally get time to respond to Indy’s sext that he sent a few hours ago. I love it.

2 p.m. I get word from the alumni board President to postpone a virtual meeting tonight because of a scheduling conflict. I’m relieved because it means I get to go home earlier to hang out with Indy.

4:30 p.m. I get home and see my dog has already adopted Indy as her new dad. She hardly shows excitement for me being home. She’s more interested in being in his lap. We walk her and decide to go to happy hour. He clearly wanted to fool around first, but I said if we did that, then we’d never leave the house!

6 p.m. Happy hour was a blast, on to another place nearby for dinner. We get back into the kind of deep conversations we had on Thursday, which I really enjoy.

He tells me he spent a lot of time this weekend talking to his friends about his worries with the open relationship he’s in. He doesn’t seem comfortable with either of them sleeping with other people, or so it seems. I don’t know. He seems really concerned about his primary relationship. I’m kind of heartbroken that someone as kind, interesting, and thoughtful as him is hung up on something so clearly not serving him.

9 p.m. Bar No. 3. Now that we’re out bar hopping we just don’t want the fun to end! Especially since it’s our last night together. The drinks keep flowing and the conversation runs the gamut: dating-app experience, careers, family, music, everything.

11 p.m. Once home and in bed we fool around a little. We’re clearly both tired and tipsy but still manage to have some fun. Then he gives me the most incredible massage. What a way to end the day.

DAY SEVEN

8 a.m. I start waking up and cuddling into him. He seems ready for another round! Honestly, I haven’t had this much sex in a while and the thing I’m craving most is just cuddling.

10 a.m. I do eventually get up to walk my dog. When I get back, I’m ready for sex. We’re back in action. He doesn’t stay hard long enough to finish. Luckily he made me come before that.

11 a.m. We get out of bed and he starts cooking breakfast while I make us tea. He’s making an eggplant dish and I feel so special having someone cook for me. We enjoy this incredible meal together and start talking about how grateful we are that we met. He has such a way with words that it makes me feel like the only woman in the world to him.

1 p.m. We hang on the couch watching episodes of Queer Eye and just enjoy being with each other. He suggests we go back to the coffee shop we had our first date at, which sounds great. We hang there for a bit before needing to head back to get ready for the airport.

3 p.m. On the drive to the airport — yes, I drive him there — we keep talking about how special and meaningful our time together has been. We plan to stay in touch. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again, but I learned so much about him, his world, and myself through this experience.

5 p.m. I cry a little as we get to the airport. I knew this was the eventual end to our meeting, but it’s hard and emotional.

8 p.m. I finally read all the messages in the family chat. It’s mostly pictures of my parents and their dogs. I text everyone that I need some space right now, and then I get ready to sleep.

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The Woman Falling for a Real-Life ‘Indiana Jones’