This week, a woman who’s tired of the apps and is dead set on going on a date with a new guy who’s in town: 24, single, upstate New York.
8:30 a.m. Wake up after 12 hours of sleep. I have a very cushy life right now. I’m living with my parents, doing low-stress work helping them with their real-estate business, and having good times with my friends from high school who are still around. I’m in grad school in another state, which has mostly been virtual, and I’m home for the summer.
11:30 a.m. I’m selling some old furniture on Facebook Marketplace and arranged to meet a guy named Cam outside a local pizza place to make the exchange. When I pull in, I see a pickup truck and the hottest guy sitting inside of it. This cannot be Cam!
11:45 a.m. It’s Cam! He’s seriously gorgeous. I feel like I’m dreaming. I mean, who looks like Ashton Kutcher in this town? He checks out the table and hands me the 25 bucks. I have to ask him if he’s a model or an actor … his hotness makes no sense to me. I’ve been in the area for a few years working for my family’s company and I know all the hot guys. I’m on all the apps. Where has Cam been hiding?
He’s blushing when I ask him about himself. He says he’s actually helping his younger brother set up an apartment at the college and that he lives in Brooklyn. As he’s talking, I just know that I won’t let him return to the city without me fucking his brains out. You think I’m joking, but when I know these things, I know these things.
He drives away after some mild flirtation, and I plot my next move. We exchanged numbers when organizing the handoff, so I’m all set.
3 p.m. Help my mom with some work paperwork for a close she’s doing.
5 p.m. Driving to the grocery store and listening to “Shallow.” It makes me think of Cam. I’m a dork! I decide to text him from the parking lot while the air-conditioning blasts and I’m happy and comfortable: “You’re meeting up with me tonight.”
6 p.m. I’m almost back home when he texts, “LOL. How about tomorrow?”
8 p.m. “Done.” Now I just have to come up with a plan for us. I know he’ll do whatever I say, but I have to get creative. I’m living at home with my parents, damn it!
10 a.m. I stayed up way too late doing a deep creep on Cam online. There’s not much to find. It looks like he has a plumbing business in New York. I see something about playing sports in high school. No evidence of a girlfriend, but no evidence of no girlfriend, either. Gotta love the mystery!
11 a.m. My friend has a teeny apartment in our “downtown” that she usually Airbnb’s, and I ask her if it’s available. It is. She tells me it’s something like $150 a night. I have the money … but is that weird?
12 p.m. I ask Cam who he’s staying with while he’s here. He says he’s staying at his brother’s, who’s out of town. I skip the Airbnb.
2 p.m. A little work for my parents. This time I’m helping them clean out a pretty gross property that they’re trying to list. I’ve told them all about Cam. This is my personality; nothing shocking about it to them. They know me.
3 p.m. I’m really excited. He’s so hot! I’ve always liked the really hot ones. It’s a problem, as they’re all dicks in the end, but I’m also aware that I’m only 24, and … who cares? I had a long-term boyfriend in college but we went our own way after graduation.
4 p.m. I text Cam the name of a bar I like and he writes back that he can be there by 10 p.m. 10 p.m.? That’s ridiculous. I’m kind of pissed off by that. I tell him that that’s way too late.
He texts back that it’s his grandma’s 90th birthday party but he can try to get out sooner — and now I feel like an ass. I ask if tomorrow night is better and he quickly responds, “YES.”
8 p.m. I’m in my childhood bed with my collection of vibrators. My parents are at the movies, so I have the rare opportunity to buzz it up in here. Thank you, Top Gun!
8:30 p.m. I shut my eyes and imagine all the things I’m going to do to Cam.
10 a.m. Another epic night of sleep. I know, it’s disgusting.
1 p.m. At least this delay means I can get an appointment at the blow-out place I like. I end up getting a manicure there too.
1:30 p.m. While the lady is blowing my hair out, I open Bumble and Hinge. It’s slim pickings up here. Really slim. I pick up a few chats that I abandoned after meeting Cam. I like having one crush at a time, but I know he’s going back to the city soon and don’t want to come up high and dry when that happens.
5 p.m. We decided to meet at 5:30 at the same bar I picked last night.
5:30 p.m. I get here first. I’m nervous. This is a little crazy, even for me. I’ve also built him up in my head so much since I first saw him and … holy shit, he’s here. And he’s gorgeous.
6 p.m. I get a Long Island iced tea, which I know will get me drunk, but I promise myself to drink it very slowly. I’m not a huge drinker and never order more than two cocktails. Cam gets a beer. He’s the hottest guy I’ve ever been on a date with. He’s blushing and grinning as I tell him this. As the alcohol kicks in, I ask him to tell me about his life. So far, he’s been very quiet and shy.
7:30 p.m. Can this guy’s real life be as boring as he says it is? He says he lives in Brooklyn and just works and spends time with his siblings. He swears he doesn’t have a girlfriend. His last relationship ended a few months ago, and I detect that he’s still hurt by her but I can’t get the details. Who in the world would ever dump him?
We’re vibing really well. He’s quiet and I’m noisy. I want to fuck him so bad. I know he’ll never make the first move. “Let’s go back to your place.” He quickly pays the bill and we go. I love how not-shy he was about my suggestion.
9:30 p.m. His brother’s apartment is a dump. I’m not sure I can get naked here. I see my table, and there’s a sweet picture frame of their mom on it, and I feel kind of touched by that. But the apartment is gross. And it smells.
Suddenly the mood changes. I decide to be super up-front and tell him I’m not comfortable there. He’s really sweet and says he understands. I tell him I want to call an Uber and I’m sorry. The Ubers are all a fortune, though, so I say I’ll give it a bit more time and check in a few.
10 p.m. We start kissing while standing up because I don’t want to sit down. It’s a kiss of a lifetime. I’m so wet I feel like there’ll be a puddle under me. He’s hard — I can feel him hard as he presses against me in his jeans. The kiss is insanely passionate. He fingers me and makes me come. Then I feel like it’s time to go home.
11 p.m. I’m home. I feel weird. It was such a hot hookup, but the apartment creeped me out, and I think I never want to see Cam again.
9 a.m. Ugh, I wake up sad! Last night got so weird.
9:15 a.m. I take a long, hot shower. I kind of want to cry. So much build-up, and then a powerful orgasm in the middle of that weird house, and now … nothing. It’s just an odd feeling.
10 a.m. Cam texts to see if I got home okay. He probably should have texted that last night. I just want the Cam chapter to be over. I can’t explain why! I don’t text back.
11 a.m. Ask my parents what I can do to help them today. We go back to that house they’re listing and I give them some suggestions on how to stage it a bit. I’m getting flashbacks of the Cam apartment. I tell my parents all about it, and they say they know the building and that it’s a rough place.
5 p.m. Finally text him back, “I’m all good, thanks! LOL.”
6 p.m. My parents and I watch a movie together on the couch while eating pizza and drinking some red wine. It’s cozy and nice.
10 a.m. Having coffee and catching up with some online prospects. I feel good being Cam-free.
11 a.m. There’s a guy on the apps who’s in town from Europe. Pass. Another guy named Joe looks cute and nice. We chat a little and then he asks me, “So, how wild are you?” Ick. Red flag. I’m sexual, but I’m not looking for weird random fuck sessions with kinky strangers who have secret lives.
3 p.m. My mom and I go to the gym. No eye candy here besides us!
5 p.m. Make plans to see high-school friends tonight. There’s some concert in town.
8 p.m. Meet up with my friends. They’re all at the same stage as me. Single, figuring it all out, feeling kind of bummed out about the options in the area.
I’m finally looking forward to going back to school in a more vibrant city in the fall. I’ll miss my parents though and tear up a little just thinking about it.
11 a.m. Wake up late and start looking at the apps. I waste an hour talking to one guy who I eventually realize is catfishing me. This shit is so depressing! Still not a peep from Cam.
3:30 p.m. Go with my parents on a home inspection. I figure I might as well learn something while I’m in town.
6 p.m. We grab burgers on the way home. I am starting to feel kind of pathetic hanging out with my parents so much.
8 p.m. Take some CBD sleep gummies just to end the day.
9 a.m. I wake up and see that Cam texted me: “I’m heading back to Brooklyn but hit me up if you’re ever in the city. Would love to take you out again. And my apartment is actually pretty dope there :)” I’m not sure how I feel about the text.
10:30 a.m. I go on a power walk with my music before it gets too hot to leave the air-conditioning. My mind is flooded with emotions as I walk. Mostly about love for my family but also frustration with dating. Why is it all so hard?
1 p.m. I come home, shower, and cook my family dinner.
6 p.m. We set up on the deck and I present my idea of taco night. It’s pretty good! My parents and I talk about dating and what I’m really looking for. It feels good to really talk about it. I’d love to have another boyfriend, but he has to be great. Where will I ever find him? Probably not on Facebook Marketplace!