A man meets a woman who makes him want to end all his other relationships: 40, single, Los Angeles.
6:45 a.m. I wake up crazy early every day simply because I love my coffee-maker so much. I really do. I load up the beans the night before, and I go to sleep dreaming of my morning ritual: making my coffee, reading the news, checking my phone, checking the dating apps, and watching L.A. wake up around me. I also go to sleep much earlier than the average 40-year-old man, so it makes sense that I wake up early. I love sleep. And coffee. Oh, and fucking.
3:30 p.m. I call my best female friend in New York to update her on the latest with all the people I’m seeing. Before the pandemic, my dating life in L.A. was pretty unbelievable. I was having sex with four different women a week. I’m still in touch with most of them but only hooking up with Sarah, a comedy writer for a late-night show — she’s the one I had the most feelings for anyway. By the way, pre-COVID, I would fuck all of them in one week; once or twice, I’d fuck two people in one day. My friend in New York is always amused by my stories and yet isn’t totally grossed out by me because I am — if nothing else — honest with all of them. They all know I’m seeing a lot of people and am not monogamous with any of them.
7 p.m. Sleeping over at Sarah’s house tonight. She barely has any time for me with her work life, so of course it makes me want to be with her more. We order tacos, watch a little TV, and fuck quickly and feverishly all before 9 p.m. That’s my bedtime.
9 a.m. I do virtual therapy with my therapist. She asks why I think I need to be with so many women at once. I think she’s getting at some kind of self-validation issue. But my answer is I just want to fuck everyone.
1 p.m. I’m also a musician. I write songs for commercials and do a few deals a year that sustain me financially. I don’t make a ton of money, but it’s a cool way to make a living and I love making music. Today I work in my studio for several hours. I think about sex for most of the time.
8 p.m. My best girlfriend in New York texts, I don’t understand how you have so much sex? Everyone I know is so lonely and hopeless! I write back that most men in L.A. are trash. And I am a kind person and a good listener and can eat pussy like no one’s never experienced.
8:30 p.m. I end up chatting with a really cool girl named Annie on a dating app. She gets right to the point: “What are you looking for?” We get deep. I tell her I had a series of heartbreaks in my early 30s and am decidedly “not looking for love anymore.” This doesn’t scare her away, even though she’s upfront about very much looking for love herself. I respect the straightforwardness. And confidence!
9 a.m. I text Annie good morning. She writes back a few seconds after. No games. Love it! She asks me how many girls I’m seeing right now, and I tell her I’m talking to several of them but have really only slept with one or two since the pandemic. Again, I reiterate that I’m not a scumbag; I’m just really into sex, and these women all know the situation.
1 p.m. I text Sarah about hanging out tonight. She doesn’t write me back for several hours.
3 p.m. I FaceTime with my parents. They are my best friends, even though they’re pretty far away in Texas. My mom keeps up with all my romantic adventures. She likes the sound of this new Annie lady.
5 p.m. I ask Annie if she wants to FaceTime, and she says yes. Turns out she’s adorable. Super-witty, funny, confident. She definitely doesn’t need me … but can I get her to want me?
7 p.m. Two hours later, we’re still FaceTiming. I’ve watched her make her pasta dinner, and she watched me eat four bowls of cereal. Neither of us are big drinkers, but we decide to get a glass of wine in person in a few nights. I’d meet her tonight in a heartbeat, but she has a big day at work tomorrow and needs to prep. She’s a movie producer.
11 a.m. Commencing a long day in the studio.
3 p.m. I take a lot of breaks from work to jerk off.
5 p.m. I see something disturbing on Facebook. My most recent ex posted that she’s moving to London, I assume to move in with the man she left me for. We were together for four years. I really loved her and was totally monogamous and ready to propose. When she found out I was ring shopping, she had a breakdown and told me I had to stop everything I was doing because she was in love with another man. It was someone she worked with (she was in the L.A. office; he was in the U.K. office). She totally broke my heart. I stopped speaking to her a few days after that, and now I only see her on Facebook. I should block her … I don’t know why I don’t. After we broke up, I stopped hanging out in her area of L.A. and avoided it for years.
7 p.m. Dozens of texts with all the ladies, but some extra-nice texts with Annie, who I’m seeing in two nights. She’s just cooler than anyone else. My best girlfriend in New York asks me if I’m ready to be monogamous if I meet someone amazing. I think maybe I am?
8 a.m. I missed a booty call from Sarah. For a few months now, I thought I was maybe falling in love with her. I thought about her a lot, watched my phone constantly for texts from her, jumped to see her whenever she beckoned. But I think it was as simple as the chase. The feelings don’t feel warm or authentic on either end. The sex is hot, so I’m not looking to end it but I do think it has an expiration date.
2 p.m. I’m in my studio making music on and off all day. I take a break and think about things with Sarah. Until I started talking to Annie, I never would have reflected on any of those things about her.
4 p.m. I take a hike and try to wrap my head around seeing Annie tomorrow. I’m so excited. I have to try to manage my expectations.
6 a.m. Wake up especially early and decide to take a morning hike.
2 p.m. Annie and I have texted all day. We’re already super-open with each other. She told me that even if she wants to rip my clothes off, she won’t. I have to get tested for COVID before she’s going to kiss me, let alone fuck me. I’m rock hard when she uses the word fuck. I write, “What if I need to taste you tonight?” She isn’t disgusted by that. Maybe she’s even charmed by it. Her response: “You must behave.” I’m dying to fuck her.
5 p.m. We meet at my favorite taco place in East L.A. She’s so cute in real life. Supercomfortable with herself. We are both wearing masks, but I know I could look at that face for the rest of my life.
7:30 p.m. She is making fun of my early bedtime. She gets in her car and says, “See ya later, perv.” I love her.
9 p.m. I text her before bed, “I want to fuck you, but more than that, I just want to be near you.”
8 a.m. In less than 12 hours, I have decided I want to get serious with Annie. I have no idea if the feeling is mutual, but just in case it is, I decide to ditch all the other women I’m fucking and flirting with. I write a series of texts telling all of them that they’re all wonderful but things have to end.
2 p.m. My best friend in New York thinks I’m being rash. We don’t even know if Annie is interested in me. She’s texted me a lot today, so I’m pretty sure she is. I tell my friend that I think she would’ve told me to ditch them if I asked her what to do. Even this soon.
8 p.m. I spend the night texting Annie, talking about everything from our favorite documentaries to our favorite sex positions. I tell her I never want to stop talking to her. I don’t want to scare her off, but I also don’t want to hold back.
Just from one night out, I know she’s smarter and funnier than the rest — even the late-night TV writer. And my gut tells me she would be a loyal and strong partner. Even if she doesn’t like me as much as I like her, even if it takes her a while to decide about me. I want her or someone like her, and I’m willing to sacrifice whatever I need to.
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