MOST RECENT ARTICLES BY:

Claire Lampen

  1. good question
    Wait, Are People Really Tracking My Emails?Constantly, as it turns out.
  2. rodent rebellion
    The Squirrels Have Declared WarNew England’s tree rats are raining wanton destruction upon the heads of maple sugar producers.
  3. christchurch massacre
    Australian Senator Blames Mosque Massacre on Muslims“While Muslims may have been the victims today, usually they are the perpetrators,” known xenophobe Fraser Anning said in a statement.
  4. college admissions scandal
    Mom Sues Scammer Parents for $500 Billion for Taking Son’s College Spot“My only child was denied access to a college … because wealthy individuals felt that it was OK to lie, cheat, steal and bribe.”
  5. questions
    Why Does My Cat Insist on Watching Me Pee?An investigation into one of life’s most puzzling mysteries.
  6. she's worth it
    Some Subtle Celebration Suggestions for International Women’s DayFor brands looking to show love to ladies all over the world.
  7. the constant gardener
    Gardener Murders Enemies From Beyond GraveRevenge never sleeps.
  8. vest is best?
    Panicked Wall Street Bros Wonder: What Is Business-Casual???Relax, my dudes!
  9. a case of mistaken identity
    Concerned Minnesotan Calls Cops on Cardboard Cutout of Pillow Mogul“Those cardboard cutouts sure can look real from a distance.”
  10. niche drama
    Scandale! Competitive Bridge Walloped by Doping AdmissionThe reigning bridge champion has admitted to taking testosterone and a fertility drug.
  11. fraud
    Get a Load of This Fake Sex Doctor’s Unhinged GriftDr. Damian Sendler got academic journals to print studies about “butt-fisting” and bestiality.
  12. power
    Patriots Owner Robert Kraft Charged With Soliciting ProstitutionDetectives allegedly have video evidence of Kraft engaging in sex acts at a Florida spa.
  13. cats they're just like us
    Chill, That’s Just the Way Your Cat’s Face IsStop telling it to smile more.
  14. fancy crap
    This Year’s Oscar Swag Includes a Poop-Shaped Toilet Brush“I went to the Oscars and all I got was this toilet brush shaped like an emoji poop,” I hope Viggo Mortensen is overheard scoffing at the after-party.
  15. unbearable
    Donald Trump, Jr. Enjoyed a Very Haunted Valentine’s DayDon, Jr. and Kimberly Guilfoyle dined under the murderous gaze of many blood-red bears.
  16. sitting pretty
    Anyway, Ben Affleck Owns a Chair Shaped Like Tom Brady’s HeadJust a totally regular piece of fan art.
  17. niche drama
    The Plot Thickens in Fiji Water Girl’s Legal DramaFiji contends the designer water mascot has “bitten the hand that feeds her.”
  18. buzz buzz
    The Bees Know Too MuchThey can do math, according to a new study.
  19. big little lies
    Everything Is Fine, Why Do You Ask?Watch Ivanka turn into the dog drinking coffee meme when asked about the Russia probe.
  20. eggcellent incentive
    Justice for BreakfastIt may not technically be the most important meal of the day, but it’s the most important meal in my heart.
  21. i do
    The Best Wedding Is This Dog WeddingWhen you know, you know.
  22. lawsuits
    Google Won’t Disclose Names of ‘Sh*tty Men in Media’ List ContributorsAn attorney for the tech giant called the request “overbroad” and “invalid.”
  23. niche drama
    I Am Living for the Drama Over France’s Obsolete ThroneOnly one man can be king of a country that has no king.
  24. you're doing great sweetie
    Extra Large Great White Shark Either Pregnant or ‘Very Full’Either way, congrats!
  25. sexism
    Fancy Manhattan Restaurant Allegedly Won’t Let Women Sit Alone at the BarThe owner seems to have assumed that solo women must be escorts.
  26. cautious optimism
    Can This Orca Baby Break the Curse?An orca family has finally had a calf survive after four very unlucky years!
  27. big boy
    Toddler-in-Chief Doesn’t Wanna ‘Do’ a National EmergencyBut he might!
  28. golden years
    Take Me to the Sloth Retirement HomeI just want someone to boil my root vegetables to soft perfection.
  29. sensory overload
    What Do You Think the Fatberg Feels Like?I’m sorry.
  30. crime
    Woman in Vegetative State Gives Birth, Prompting Sexual-Assault InvestigationPolice are now seeking DNA samples from male staff at the nursing home where she’s been a long-term patient.
  31. golden years
    I’m Extremely Jealous of Frankie Muniz’s Retiree LifestyleOkay, he’s still gainfully employed, but he bought an olive-oil store called “Outrageous Olive Oils & Vinegars”!!
  32. crime
    Here’s Why You Don’t Try to Kidnap Someone Inside a Karate StudioIt can only end one way!
  33. meme miracles
    Potato Jesus Meme Reverses Town’s FortunesThe bungled Ecce Homo restoration is creating jobs and funding local elder care, isn’t that nice?
  34. hungry hungry hippo
    I Just Want to Take Another Look at HerFiona the Hippo reached 1,000 pounds this week — our girl’s growing up so fast.
  35. space
    Look at This Giant Martian Skating RinkDid you know that aliens love to skate?
  36. slippery situations
    Man Mysteriously Trapped in Grease Vent Emerges Slick But UnscathedThe grease bandit was reportedly “less than truthful about his … intentions” inside the vent.
  37. death by hygge
    Coziness Could Kill YouBurning numerous candles might be charring up your innards.
  38. politics
    Government Blames Death of 7-Year-Old Migrant on Parents“Once again, we are begging parents to not put themselves or their children at risk attempting to enter illegally.”
  39. junk food
    Trump, Noted Garbage Enthusiast, Wants Kids to Be Free to Eat More GarbageThe USDA is permitting more fats, refined flour, and sodium on school menus.
  40. parliament pooper
    Who’s Pooping All Over the South Australian Parliament?Frantic MPs are considering passing a motion to unmask the mystery defecator.
  41. teen trends
    Teen Seals Are Shoving Eels Up Their NosesThe seal version of the TidePod challenge.