MOST RECENT ARTICLES BY:

Heather Havrilesky

Columnist, the Cut.

  1. ask polly
    ‘I Want to Be Single, But I’m Miserable Without Sex!’Sex cannot save you, but love and words and showing up and listening can.
  2. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Don’t Trust My Friends!’Your belief system is making you paranoid.
  3. ask polly
    ‘Am I Too Romantic About True Love?’Don’t change your entire belief system just because you’re afraid of seeming naïve.
  4. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘How Do I Stop Being an Asshole?’First you need to face your callousness toward yourself.
  5. ask polly
    ‘My Friendships Make Me Sad’Can you trust your instincts when it comes to friends?
  6. ask polly
    ‘Men Always Disappoint Me!’You have to learn to use your voice.
  7. ask polly
    ‘I Regret My College Social Life’Purge that concern from your mind once and for all.
  8. deadwood
    ‘Deadwood’ Reminds Us How to LiveLike Al Swearengen, a true believer in wretched, reckless freedom.
  9. ask polly
    ‘I Have an Excellent Lifestyle, But What If I Lose It?’You’re taking the worst part of panicking and ignoring the best part.
  10. ask polly
    ‘Should I Invite My Mean Aunt to My Wedding?’When family members never address what they want or feel, things get ugly quickly.
  11. ask polly
    ‘I Can’t Do Casual’You won’t become brave enough to ask for what you want until you know, for certain, that you deserve it.
  12. ask polly
    ‘I Live With My Parents and I’m Miserable!’No one should have to feel this bad about their life at your age.
  13. ask polly
    ‘I Am a Very Jealous Wife!’If you want to truly be healthy, you can’t turn your back on who you are.
  14. ask polly
    ‘Will Grief Destroy My New Marriage?’You need to become brave enough to talk about this with the people who know you.
  15. ask polly
    ‘I Am Rich and Worthless’You need to wake up and live a real life.
  16. ask polly
    ‘Why Do I Always Have a Crush on Someone?’Sometimes it doesn’t pay to intellectualize our very basic need for connection.
  17. ask polly
    ‘I’m Juggling School With Full-Time Work and I’m Miserable!’You feel guilty for sleeping eight hours or having sex? Dude.
  18. marriage: an investigation
    Is Marriage Obsolete?Maybe it is, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t good reasons to do it anyway.
  19. ask polly
    ‘My Husband Read My Journal and Now He’s Upset!’Find a way to be honest with each other without letting it crush you.
  20. ask polly
    ‘I Send Letters After Relationships End, But No One Writes Me Back’You’re throwing down brutal truths at the exact moment they’re no longer relevant.
  21. ask polly
    ‘Time Moves Too Quickly!’Your thoughts are forming tight fences around your feelings.
  22. ask polly
    ‘I’m a Pathetic Loser Who Can’t Stop Procrastinating!’You’re not what you think you are.
  23. ask polly
    ‘Is My Absence From Social Media a Red Flag?’I think you’re ahead of the curve.
  24. ask polly
    ‘I’ve Fallen Apart, and Nobody Shows.’Sometimes I think no one has it worse than the one who never gets angry.
  25. ask polly
    ‘I’m 17 and No One Understands Me!’You’re trying to stay superior, to keep yourself safe.
  26. ask polly
    ‘My Family Isn’t Speaking to Me and I’m Miserable Over It!’You know in your heart they’re being unfair, but that doesn’t mean you don’t miss them.
  27. ask polly
    ‘Am I Too Weird and Contradictory to Find Love?’You, my friend, are not right with yourself.
  28. ask polly
    ‘Every Man I Date Finds the Love of His Life Right After We Break Up!’Ask yourself why you’re so into these narratives about how you lose and lose and lose.
  29. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘How Do I Decide What to Do With My Life?’I think that the answer, for you, begins with your shame.
  30. ask polly
    ‘I’m Depressed and I Want to Leave My Perfectly Good Husband’You don’t want to talk about difficult things, like the fact that you’re falling apart.
  31. ask polly
    ‘My Ex-Boyfriend Hates Me and It’s Messing Up My New Life!’You’re living inside his twisted perception of you.
  32. ask polly
    ‘I’m Scared of Failure’You’re hidden, which doesn’t help.
  33. ask polly
    ‘I Will Never Be Who I Want to Be’You’re playing a role that doesn’t suit you anymore.
  34. ask polly
    ‘I Can’t Stop Comparing Myself to More Successful Writers!’You need to stop seeing the world through the lens of your fears.
  35. ask polly
    ‘I Always Steal My Friends’ Boyfriends, and I Can’t Stop!’You’re telling an inaccurate story about how you keep falling into emotional quicksand.
  36. ask polly
    I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless and I’ve Wasted My Whole LifeWhen you live inside of your shame, everything you see is inadequate and embarrassing.
  37. advice
    ‘How Do I Survive Staying With My Judgmental Family?’Give them your poker face and don’t say a word.
  38. ask polly
    ‘He’s “Confused.” Should I Wait for Him?’Confused is a placeholder that could keep you in a state of limbo indefinitely.
  39. ask polly
    ‘I’m Lazy, Reckless, and Addicted to Social Media. Help!’The way you’re processing the world is broken. If you don’t fix it, you’ll just keep creating new problems.
  40. ask polly
    ‘I Am So Bad at Making New Friends!’Resist the urge to treat friendlessness as a personal failure.
  41. ask polly
    ‘My Boyfriend of Three Years Just Ghosted Me!’Your ex-boyfriend strikes me as the kind of person who is acutely aware of his own feelings, but has very little knowledge of other people’s feelings.
  42. ask polly
    ‘I’m Slow at Everything and It’s Ruining My Life’I think you have to work with what you’ve been given.
  43. ask polly
    ‘I’m Obsessed With a Woman Who Doesn’t Want Me’You seem to want to get swept away in a fantasy without ever having to show up.
  44. deciem drama
    How Did the CEO Meltdown Become Ordinary?Why we couldn’t look away from Brandon Truaxe’s social-media collapse.
  45. ask polly
    ‘Everything I Do Is Wrong’A lot of people — women in particular — feel unbelievably accountable to others.
  46. ask polly
    ‘My Broke Boyfriend Wants Us to Live Together!’No no no no.
  47. the kavanaugh hearings
    Mediocre White Man Falls Apart and Is Promptly Put Back TogetherBrett Kavanaugh barely even had to try.
  48. ask polly
    ‘My Ex-Best Friend Is Talking Trash About Me to Other People!’It’s understandable to want to know what others think of you, but at some point you have to recognize that you’re gathering information you can’t use.
  49. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘My Parents Don’t Love Me!’You don’t deserve to get hurt, over and over again.
  50. silenced by a hashtag
    I Was Admired By All, But Then an Angry Mob Came for Me!“My accusers won’t even acknowledge me or check up on me, to see if I’m okay.”
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