MOST RECENT ARTICLES BY:

Heather Havrilesky

Columnist, the Cut.

  1. ask polly
    ‘Why Do Other People’s Interests Make Me So Insecure?’Strong reactions sometimes hint at long-buried desires that need to be addressed.
  2. ask polly
    ‘I’m Miserable and I’m Taking It Out on My Husband’You can’t build a stronger connection when you’re committed to chaos.
  3. ask polly
    ‘Most of My Friendships Were Toxic, But Now I’m So Lonely!’Until you learn to assert healthy boundaries, you’ll struggle with all of your relationships.
  4. first person
    Are You Aging Correctly?Ask yourself who benefits when women gracefully fade into the background.
  5. ask polly
    ‘I’ve Made So Many Mistakes and I’m Way Behind in Life’You have to learn to get beyond guilt and shame.
  6. ask polly
    ‘My Limited Experience With Love Has Been Totally Humiliating’When situations are murky and confusing, it’s often women who soak up all the shame.
  7. ask polly
    ‘Help, My Pandemic Crush Feels So Real!’The key is to tap into desire and imagination without always attaching it to this particular man.
  8. ask polly
    ‘How Can I Feel Confident While I’m Going Through Chemo?’When you let the truly difficult parts of life come at you full force, it can transform you.
  9. ask polly
    ‘My Future In-Laws Are Assholes!’Stop judging and take the risk of trying to understand them.
  10. ask polly
    ‘I Feel Ashamed of Almost Everything’You need to learn how to be who you already are.
  11. ask polly
    ‘Is an Open Relationship With My Ex a Bad Idea?’You have to trust your gut.
  12. ask polly
    ‘My Boyfriend Bugs the Hell Out of Me!’It’s time to step away from fear and shame.
  13. ask polly
    ‘I’m Sure My Boyfriend Is Secretly in Love With His Co-worker’It sounds like you’re the one who’s obsessed with this woman.
  14. ask polly
    ‘My Ex Keeps Emailing Me and I Hate It!’Ask yourself why you’re unsettled by his affection.
  15. ask polly
    ‘Why Do My Friendships Always Fade Away?’You have to learn to ask your friends for what you want from them.
  16. ask polly
    ‘I Feel Ugly and Lonely and I Don’t Know How to Change’It’s time to abandon your old tricks and feel your way forward.
  17. ask polly
    ‘Is This the Worst Possible Time to Break Up With Someone?’Now is the time to shower the people around you with compassion.
  18. ask polly
    ‘I Don’t Think I Can Handle 18 Months of Isolation’Resolve not to fixate on the millions of terrifying possibilities you cannot control.
  19. ask polly
    ‘Is My Sexy Poet Friend Manipulating Me?’You need to spend some time thinking about the value of boundaries.
  20. coronavirus
    Denial Is the Only Thing We’re Prepared ForAt the start of this pandemic, we’re living in the default mode of American culture. Can we change?
  21. ask polly
    ‘I’m Trans and I Feel Unlovable’Stop retelling other people’s bad stories and write your own instead.
  22. ask polly
    ‘My Dream Man Moved On. Should I Wait For Him?’You need to start loosening your grip on this obsession.
  23. ask polly
    ‘I Can’t Get Over My Married Lover!’Look around and ask yourself what this guy had that you wanted.
  24. ask polly
    ‘I Want to Dump My Beautiful, Loving Girlfriend’It’s not selfish to pay attention to your desires.
  25. ask polly
    ‘No One at Work Respects Me!’Shift your energy from fixing to observing.
  26. ask polly
    ‘I Moved Off-Grid With an Emotionally Stunted Older Man!’You need to spend some more time getting to know yourself.
  27. ask polly
    ‘I Have Everything, But I’m Still Sad and Angry’Stop stigmatizing your restless desires.
  28. ask polly
    ‘I Don’t Know How to Feel My Desire’You have to learn to face your shame and sit with it.
  29. ask polly
    ‘My Life Is Pathetic!’Life doesn’t become easy and stay that way.
  30. ask polly
    ‘I’ve Lost My Joy and I Want It Back!’Give yourself room to breathe and be alive and wild.
  31. ask polly
    ‘I’m Addicted to Rejection’Find the people who can see your rays of light.
  32. ask polly
    ‘I’m Trying to Go Gray and I Hate It!’Listen to what you’re feeling.
  33. ask polly
    ‘I’ve Never Had Sex, and I Feel Like I Never Will’You need to tune in to how much control you have.
  34. ask polly
    ‘I’m Defective as a Human Being!’It’s impossible to “fix” anything if you don’t have compassion for yourself.
  35. ask polly
    ‘I Give Up!’Finding your power takes more than completing the assignment as directed.
  36. ask polly
    ‘No One Likes the Real Me!’You have to stop trying so hard to impress people.
  37. ask polly
    ‘Am I Too Obsessed With My Nemesis?’Ask yourself what fears are fueling your obsession.
  38. the future issue
    In 2029, I’ll Regret All My Hand-wringing Over Social MediaI now find myself questioning the moral imperative for women to avoid vanity and sidestep aesthetic fantasies.
  39. ask polly
    ‘I’m a Nightmare Person! Help!’Ask yourself what beliefs are looming behind your shame and self-hatred.
  40. ask polly
    ‘How Do You Learn to Be Happy Alone?’If you want to feel healthy and calm, you need to tune in to your feelings more often.
  41. ask polly
    ‘I’m So Shy and It’s Ruining My Life!’Give yourself room to be who you are without judgment.
  42. ask polly
    ‘I Moved to L.A. and I Hate It!’If you want your life to improve, you have to stop avoiding your feelings.
  43. ask polly
    ‘Why Am I Still So Angry at My Former Bully?’Rage is often a sign that you’re not treating yourself with enough care.
  44. ask polly
    ‘Should I Give Up on Trying to Make My Family Accept Me?’You’re still in denial about what they can and can’t give you.
  45. ask polly
    ‘My Fear of Climate Change Is Eroding My Sanity!’There are small things you can do to align yourself with your values.
  46. ask polly
    ‘I’m Paralyzed by Anxiety About Climate Change!’You can believe that the fight is hopeless and still fight.
  47. ask polly
    ‘I’m Constantly Worried My Boyfriend Will Leave Me!’When you feel insatiable, you need to cultivate compassion for yourself.
  48. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Want Kids, But My Boyfriend Isn’t Ready!’You need to find the guts to stand up for your future.
  49. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘My Kid Is Nonbinary, and I Can’t Get Over It’You need to recognize how thoughtful your child is.
  50. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I’m So Indecisive About Everything!’Throw all of your selves and contradictions on the table, and see what works.
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