MOST RECENT ARTICLES BY:

Heather Havrilesky

Columnist, the Cut.

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    Good-bye, New YorkI’m headed to Substack and expanding Ask Polly to find new ways to help readers cultivate compassion and joy. Come with me!
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    ‘My Boyfriend Refuses to Change’Do you want a real partner, or someone to admire from afar?
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    ‘I Feel Like My Rage Might Eat Me Alive’You’re sad and lonely and you need to start asking for the love and support you deserve.
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    ‘I’m Not Ready for Isolation to End!’Instead of blaming yourself for where you are, accept yourself and stand up for your preferences.
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    ‘My Dad Died, and Now I’m Worried I’m Headed for Divorce’You’re using your anger at your husband as a distraction to keep from facing this enormous loss.
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    ‘I’m Too Old and Washed Up to Succeed!’You need to rid yourself of negative delusions and build a more resilient vision of your future.
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    ‘Should I Leave My Good Job to Pursue My Artistic Dreams?’Stop surrendering to your worries and learn to enjoy the risks and adventure of a creative career.
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    ‘I Only Want to Date Men Who’ve Been Through Therapy!’What you’re looking for is someone who’s curious and open to learning new things.
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    ‘I Want My Family to Love Me Unconditionally’The cause of your sadness isn’t the same as the solution.
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    ‘My Husband Won’t Have Sex With Me!’Your bedroom has become a battleground where all of your fears and anxieties go head-to-head.
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    My Friend Group Dumped Me and Now I Have No One!It’s time to stop trying to please people and start being your true self.
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    ‘Do I Have to Thank My Weird Aunt for Her Terrible Gifts?’Even though her inability to hear you is triggering, consider the big picture and choose your battles carefully.
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    ‘Everything I Do Fails, So I Don’t Even Try’You keep yourself safe from investing in the world because you don’t want to be disappointed.
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    ‘People Tell Me I Seem Like a Snob Whenever I’m Quiet!’Confident, self-possessed women often make people nervous.
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    ‘Why Can’t I Stop Lying All the Time?’You’re struggling with avoidance, anxiety, and shame.
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    ‘How Do I Live Like an Artist?’Stop battling yourself and embrace the truth, no matter how ugly.
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    ‘I’m Freezing My Eggs and It’s Kicked Up So Much Rage!’Throw away this complicated puzzle and reconnect with the people around you.
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    ‘Why Do Other People’s Interests Make Me So Insecure?’Strong reactions sometimes hint at long-buried desires that need to be addressed.
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    ‘I’m Miserable and I’m Taking It Out on My Husband’You can’t build a stronger connection when you’re committed to chaos.
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    ‘Most of My Friendships Were Toxic, But Now I’m So Lonely!’Until you learn to assert healthy boundaries, you’ll struggle with all of your relationships.
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    Are You Aging Correctly?Ask yourself who benefits when women gracefully fade into the background.
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    ‘I’ve Made So Many Mistakes and I’m Way Behind in Life’You have to learn to get beyond guilt and shame.
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    ‘My Limited Experience With Love Has Been Totally Humiliating’When situations are murky and confusing, it’s often women who soak up all the shame.
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    ‘Help, My Pandemic Crush Feels So Real!’The key is to tap into desire and imagination without always attaching it to this particular man.
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    ‘How Can I Feel Confident While I’m Going Through Chemo?’When you let the truly difficult parts of life come at you full force, it can transform you.
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    ‘My Future In-Laws Are Assholes!’Stop judging and take the risk of trying to understand them.
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    ‘I Feel Ashamed of Almost Everything’You need to learn how to be who you already are.
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    ‘Is an Open Relationship With My Ex a Bad Idea?’You have to trust your gut.
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    ‘My Boyfriend Bugs the Hell Out of Me!’It’s time to step away from fear and shame.
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    ‘I’m Sure My Boyfriend Is Secretly in Love With His Co-worker’It sounds like you’re the one who’s obsessed with this woman.
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    ‘My Ex Keeps Emailing Me and I Hate It!’Ask yourself why you’re unsettled by his affection.
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    ‘Why Do My Friendships Always Fade Away?’You have to learn to ask your friends for what you want from them.
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    ‘I Feel Ugly and Lonely and I Don’t Know How to Change’It’s time to abandon your old tricks and feel your way forward.
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    ‘Is This the Worst Possible Time to Break Up With Someone?’Now is the time to shower the people around you with compassion.
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    ‘I Don’t Think I Can Handle 18 Months of Isolation’Resolve not to fixate on the millions of terrifying possibilities you cannot control.
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    ‘Is My Sexy Poet Friend Manipulating Me?’You need to spend some time thinking about the value of boundaries.
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    Denial Is the Only Thing We’re Prepared ForAt the start of this pandemic, we’re living in the default mode of American culture. Can we change?
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    ‘I’m Trans and I Feel Unlovable’Stop retelling other people’s bad stories and write your own instead.
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    ‘My Dream Man Moved On. Should I Wait For Him?’You need to start loosening your grip on this obsession.
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    ‘I Can’t Get Over My Married Lover!’Look around and ask yourself what this guy had that you wanted.
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    ‘I Want to Dump My Beautiful, Loving Girlfriend’It’s not selfish to pay attention to your desires.
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    ‘No One at Work Respects Me!’Shift your energy from fixing to observing.
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    ‘I Moved Off-Grid With an Emotionally Stunted Older Man!’You need to spend some more time getting to know yourself.
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    ‘I Have Everything, But I’m Still Sad and Angry’Stop stigmatizing your restless desires.
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    ‘I Don’t Know How to Feel My Desire’You have to learn to face your shame and sit with it.
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    ‘My Life Is Pathetic!’Life doesn’t become easy and stay that way.
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    ‘I’ve Lost My Joy and I Want It Back!’Give yourself room to breathe and be alive and wild.
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    ‘I’m Addicted to Rejection’Find the people who can see your rays of light.
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    ‘I’m Trying to Go Gray and I Hate It!’Listen to what you’re feeling.
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    ‘I’ve Never Had Sex, and I Feel Like I Never Will’You need to tune in to how much control you have.
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