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Cut Opinion Pages

cut opinion pages June 25, 2021

Just Stay In On FridayYou know you want to.

By Olivia Evans
cut opinion pages Sept. 25, 2020

Just Celebrate Your Winter Birthday NowWhy not?

By Emilia Petrarca
cut opinion pages July 23, 2020

God, I Miss EavesdroppingIt’s not just a guilty pleasure.

By Brock Colyar
coronavirus Mar. 5, 2020

Definitely Don’t Watch Contagion Right NowNot even the trailer!

By Emilia Petrarca
cut opinion pages Feb. 10, 2020

Americans Don’t Appreciate Good CandyIn praise of the uncelebrated fondant-filled licorice tube.

By Katie Heaney
cut opinion pages Feb. 6, 2020

Look at This Incredibly Sexy BirdShe goes by secretary bird.

By Amanda Arnold
cut opinion pages Jan. 10, 2020

Parrots Are the Best AnimalThey crave intimacy, they help their friends “buy” food, and they dabble in non-monogamy — shall I go on?

By Amanda Arnold
cut opinion pages Dec. 19, 2019

There Is Still Time to Get a Christmas TreeAn argument, and an examination of potential tree-related pros and cons.

By Kelly Conaboy
cut opinion pages Nov. 27, 2019

The Simple Joys of Waiting for a FlightGrab your snacks and meet me at Gate 5.

By Madeleine Aggeler
cut opinion pages Nov. 22, 2019

I’m So Excited for Instagram to Take Away LikesThen I can really start posting.

By Sarah Spellings
cut opinion pages Nov. 15, 2019

Sadly, I Like Reading Books on My Phone NowIt helps me stay awake, which I cannot say for a paperback book.

By Katie Heaney
cut opinion pages Nov. 13, 2019

Your Birthday Is One DayYour weeklong celebration is tormenting everyone you love.

By Katie Heaney
cut opinion pages Nov. 6, 2019

The Mona Lisa Should Just Get BangsHear me out.

By Emilia Petrarca
cut opinion pages Nov. 6, 2019

When Will Full-Length Pants Return From the War?Help, my ankles are cold.

By Katie Heaney
cut opinion pages May 2, 2019

More Exclamation Points, Please!!!!!!Few things fill me with greater dread than receiving a message that just says: hi.

By Madeleine Aggeler
cut opinion pages Mar. 20, 2019

On the Turtleneck Brazenness of Elizabeth HolmesIf only we could be as bold.

By Kelly Conaboy